The Sheath Was Empty!

I come into work today and start running my controls when, behold! the sheath is empty. This is cause for concern when the sheath is empty. My first thoughts were, "What is the sheath". And then I realized, and when I checked it out, sure enough it was empty. Well, there was a tiny tiny bit in there, but obviously nothing I could use. I had to find new sheath. I searched all along the cabinets, the floorboards and the shelves to find a new sheath. Finally I found not one, but two under the sink. Thank goodness, I didn't know what I was going to do without any sheath, certainly not my job. So I switched out the sheaths, the empty for the full and started over. This is when I realized there was a new fault. It still thought the sheath was empty!!! NO! I say, "I have a nice full sheath here! Work damn you. What's wrong with you, why won't you get the job done?" It took a bit of fiddling around, but it finally realized I had a full sheath now and it ran through it's processes like butter.

Not my cell-dyn, but it's twin .... I bet it has a full sheath.

This is a Streck brand Sheath, we use Abbott Sheath but I couldn't find a picture

of that so I figured this was the best way for you to at least see the sheath.

Just imagine it in a brown box with a purple label instead.

The Towelphant Strikes Again!!!

Poor Costello has fallen victim to the evil Towelphant!

You can see the evil taking over ... clouding his poor doggie mind. He is helpless to fight it ...

Allas, there was nothing I could do. The power of the Towelephant is too great. Evil is all the remains now in my poor pu. So stern, so cold is the gaze of my Rind-Hund. I dare say I'll miss all his snuggle wiggles.

My friends call me Welch but you can call me Welbeecos ... aka ... More procrastinatoin

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME:
(favorite fruit and current street name)

--Pomegranate Hollow Ridge --

~I sound like some hippie poet. I'm definately going indi-rock on this one.


2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME:
(grandfather/grandmother on mother's side first name, favorite candy)

--Nancy 60% Cocoa Ghirardelli Chocolate--

~that’s a mouthfull


3. YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME:
(first initial of first name, first three letters of your last name)

--A Wel--

~ A Wel and da C dawg are gonna be hittin the park, biatches!


4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME:
(favorite animal, name of high school)

--Elephant Blue Springs--

~umm, how now brown cow? this doesn't make any sense at all.


5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME:
(middle name, city where you were born)

--Ann Independence--

~now does that sound like the name of the show's bitch or naive pushover?


6. YOUR OPPOSITE SEX NAME:
(name of dad/mom, cell phone company you use)

--Larry Verizon--

~ I sound like I have a lot of money ... I wonder if I'm single ...


7. YOUR STAR WARS NAME:
(first 3 letters of your last name, last 3 letters of mother's maiden name, first 3 letters of your pet's name)

--Welbeecos--

~ok, not into the whole star wars thing, but I'm digging this, I'm going to use this.


8. PORN STAR NAME:
(first pet's name, street you grew up on)

--Sara Tahoe--

~and a whoe of ta I surely must be ... bow chick a bow wow.

I"m procrastinating, I couldn't help myself.

Your results:
You are Supergirl

Supergirl 78% Spider-Man 75% Catwoman 75% Hulk 70% Iron Man 70% Wonder Woman 68% Green Lantern 60% Superman 55% The Flash 45% Batman 25% Robin 25%

Lean, muscular and feminine. Honest and a defender of the innocent.

da link, if you're interested

Hyper-flavor Icecream

Ok, all of us who grew up in a certain age called the 80's/90's know of the most wonderful clothing invention of all time --- hyper-color. For those who aren't familiar, hyper-color was a fascinating brand of clothing that was one color and depending on how much you breathed on it, it would change color. The concept was to be a mood ring but as a t-shirt and shorts. Yes, yes, this is right up there with paddleball and wacky wall walkers.

Anyway, I've discovered hyper-color's new, and sure to be underappreciated, cousin. Ladies and Gentlemen I give you HYPERFLAVOR ICECREAM! This crazy new product can be found just down the street (if you live in CoMo) and you never knew. Heck, I didn't even know it till I ordered it by accident and tried it for myself.

Like the purple turns to pink before it I ordered a rocky-road concrete (substitute almonds for peanuts) and lo-and-behold I get CANDY CORN! Yes, this is as disturbing and discusting as it sounds. Little did I know when taking a bite of my creamy brown nutty goodness that I would come face to mouth with the ever way to sweet taste of candy corn. To me this was a crowning disappointment, for those of you out there that actually like the most wretched of orange candy Halloween treats then hey, I send my recommendations. For those of you with me, beware. I wonder what other flavors lurk to upset your stomach. Perhaps a Mint Chocolate Chip that tastes like banana laughy taffy? Or a Butter Pecan that becomes good and plenty? What ever it may be I do have to say I deeply miss my Emack and Bolios; where are you my ice cream that tastes as it should? Surely not at this cracked out custard stand.

The reality is just sickening isn't it?

Oh God, please make it stop ...

Ok, I think I just threw up in my mouth a bit.

Crowning Achievement!

Congratulations to me! Through all of my fun medicated times I have now officially managed to take every NSAID on the market, (and even a few that have been taken off due to fatal side effects). So congrats to me for beating the Rx system. All you pharm companies out there can take that hit to the bank and come back to me once you've made something that actually works! Assholes.

mmmm ... this is candy, we're having fun!

Evil Queen of the Towel Heads

Ok, I found this at the Wall of Mart and people who know me know I can't pass up a cheap elephant deal, or the opportunity to be embarrasing. So, enjoy-->

First I'd just like to present the towel and make you jealous; come on you know you are.

You want to rush out and be a towel head now.

I mean ... look how much fun I"m having!!!

I'm so cool.

Oh what is this strange sensation coming over me?

I can feel the power of the towel surging through me.

I know what it is that I must do!

I wonder if anyone can sense my evil plans.

Look into the eyes of my towel.

You will obey the towel.

Worship the towel.

HA HA! THE WORLD IS MINE!

I rock.

Beware the Full Metal Jacket!

So the time has come for many of us to go to town on our mouths. M's got her fun surgeries and I due to the loss of a bet, (no not the Superbowl though I am very sad for my Seahawks), I'm in the market for metallic oral enhancements.

So far all the DDS's that I've come across want to do horrific things to me.

#1) One's out for blood (literally and figuratively). $5000 smackers (the figurative blood, ouch, I'm a med student you think I have that kind of money? yeah right, I can't even buy food this month, though I guess that would be good for the braces and possibly my thighs; but I digress.), 18 months and let's remove 4 of my teeth just for giggles (the literal blood, as if you couldn't figure that out for yourself, ouch again). Oh wait I’m sorry, there is a reason for that not just to pump up our oral surgeon buddy and get a kick back; "I would have a more pleasing profile". So not an oral hygiene reason but hey, i guess it's a reason.

#2) we're better here on the greenbacks, cut it back by $1,100; better but still not good, we're now up to a two year sentence in mouth prison but then we don't want to remove my teeth, oh wait, even better we're going to file down all the nice healthy enamel off them, right in between my teeth so that when I'm trying to do Chinese acrobats with floss just so that I don't immediately get the cavities that would be inevitable with this procedure. Though this would make some dentist really happy, I vote no.

So here I am, continuing to shop around till I at least find someone who would like to leave all of my teeth intact, in my mouth. Some how I don’t' think that's too much to ask. I mean, they all fit in there before all pretty and perfect, surely they still will. So I've decided to take my journey back to KC and see if I can find anything more promising there.

There was a kind man there once that told me 6mo, $1250, and said nothing about removing any teeth or parts there of. I just hope he has similar music for my ears on Friday. Sure, he wanted to put metal spikes in my mouth but hey they served an actually practical orthodontic purpose and I'd take the spikes any day over random teeth extractions. My tongue would hate me but the teeth thank me. It's ok my pearls of white, you're safe with me I'll never let those mean men take you away from your loving gums.

interesting theory ... more like ....

Crazy metal brackets of doom! Adults beware, public humiliation is imminent!
(I knew I wanted to look 13 again, pedophiles are great lovers, so tender and attentive. *shutter*)

PICTURES AS PROMISED!

I know you all have been patiently waiting to meet Marge. Though I do have to say this was not her most photogenic day. Though I'm sure you understand as she's missing a few body parts. I don't think anyone looks their best after that kind of action. Anyway I wish I could also share the smell with you but allas you'll just have to imagine her sweet stench all your own. Think ... vommit and curddled milk. That ought to get you started.

This is my good friend Angela and the most savery part of her groups longhorn stear. Mmmmm tasty.

News Flash! There's a 5 minute rule on the potty.

Beware the after hours restroom usage! If you should take more than 3 minutes in the stall then the motion sensor will have no excuse to believe you are still there. You will receive a jingle like beeping warning. 2nd warning come at 4 minutes. What happens at 5 minutes? You are officially not in the room and the room with shut down around you. The black darkness of your windowless receptacle will consume you and it will begin to eat your soul.

See Megan, My reality is even more fucked-up than your dreams. Carousel in the middle of a corn field, fuck that. Try a Bathroom with a mind of it's own that traps you in darkness and you have to stumble through it's gated labyrinths and back to the lighted hallway before the possessed lavatory consumes you. Now that's some scary shit.

Will demon spawn emerge from the darkness, capture me and drag me back through

a portal to their evil water-closet demention? ... Maybe.

Picture updates!

So I aquired a digital camera, and now I've finally figured out how to post pictures, (I think). Let me know if they come through. Enjoy!

New Years Pics : Hopefully this will link you to the rest!

THE EXOTICS SYMPOSIUM!

The good times had in Knoxville TN, The Snow and rain on the way down (our luggage in the back of a truck, awesome), blow darts, guns, behind the scenes zoo trip, and all the drunken po-dunk fun you could ask for!

Can you believe they gave me a gun? NO QUESTIONS ASKED!

Jesus, Mary and Joseph, SHE'S PREGNANT!!

Yes, ladies and gents. Marge of the Large is Prego. Our fine Omish lady of the forementioned blogging is/was with calf (however you want to look at that). Ahh I can't wait till next week when I get to preform what is my first and probubly my only necropcic c-section. This is not the birth of life from life, or life from death, but the beauty and joy of death from death. Ahh what a beautiful optomistic picture this brings. I can only imagine that fateful day when they brought Marge into the lab barely able to walk on her own; Bobby jumping on her chest trying to get her warm dead heart that had given up so easily, to pump enough formalin through her lifeless old body to keep it from rotting. Little did he know he was also preserving a fine calf fetus for us to rip from her body only a few short months later. Ahh the sweet splender of surprise.

Our horse Frenchie was also blessed with life thriving inside him as we found out the other day. Though being male he was not with the pleasure of pony but did have a fine infestation of worms that Katie and I roughtfully picked out of his diaphram and facial layers of his abdominal cavity. You know they migrated there because the diaphram is the only muscle that is moving constantly and thus provides a fantastic and rich blood supply to thrive on. The best was when you're rip into their puss pockets and the worm would POP out of it's wormy home and say "Hey what's up I'm a worm". Gives me goosebumps of joy in all this remonicing. I know you wish you were there as always.

I think an RIP is in order

So I took my computer to university hospital (aka IT services) and I think they are actually managing to recover my very septic computer from it's failing health. To add the irony that must come with anything I try to do. My screen is now failing. It is flickering in and out of conciousness and all hopes look lost. So I should be able to harvest all my info from the hard drive before it crashes for good and donate it to a new computer which would be fine if there were a computer to transplant the information to. So sad and tragic, I do not have the money to save my current computer which would cost more than it would be to just buy a new computer.

So I guess it comes down to this. Do I euthanize my current notebook of fun and wait till I can afford to buy myself a newer cuter more lively notebook or do I hook it up to a lifesupport monitor and hope for the best? I know it's been a fun four years computer, but I think it's just your time, it's just your time, and I'd hate for you to have to suffer through this. And worse, I'd hate for me to have to suffer through this even more.

So, so long black box of fun. It's been real.

Best I could do in 10 minutes, rough but I think the realism is breathtaking..

Death by???

I'm taking a poll.

I caught a single scene of one of the Jaws movies this weekend (I know as much as it was not the first) and in that scene there was some death, big surprise. Picture it, two ladies, two very different deaths ...

What I would like to know is this which would you choose if you had to?

Option 1) Death by giant great white shark grabbing you by your ski and eating you alive.
Option 2) Flail around your boat histarically causing you to dump gasoline all over yourself, lighting yourself on fire, and ultimately blowing you and your boat to smitherines.

Ponder that will you .... and let me know.

P.S. I think I'd go with Option 2 for it's more instantanious effects, if that helps you make your decision, if not then tough shit.

Option one : Lunch

Option 2: Chunks

Tell 'em Large Marge Sent Ya?!?

Well Large Marge can shove it up her scanky cow ass!!!

To update:

Large Marge is the name of my cow. My hugest rotted out dairy cow you've ever seen, cow. I'm sure to have pictures to follow, for now you just have to use your imagination. We all know what a dairy cow looks like, you know big, black spots, utter. Take that shove some hooks in it and hang it from the ceiling and you have a good picture of what my bovine looks like. Of course she also has a plastic bag wrapped around her head and an extra strap around her midsection for support.

Now to fill in a key key point Marge or Large-Large (as she is called in the world of gangsta rap) was dead before the preservation process began. I know its a terrible thing to imagine but yes, conventionally out specimens are embalmed alive ... blood pumped out by the heart, formalin pumped into the body by a still beating heart. This sounds bad, but what's worse is the smell of day old vommit/rot/curddled milk, coming from this cow. Without the for mentioned process (of which Marge lacked being already dead and all) what you end up with is a poorly perfused animal which leads to a poorly preserved animal, which hangs around in a not cold enough to stop the bacteria freezer for many moons, which leads to the stickiest rotted out shit you've ever smelt in your life.

Now I know you are wondering how was I so lucky to end up with this fine specimen? Oh pure luck as it my be. You're jealous I can tell. Thank you randomized computer program, thank you. Now for our first week of class I spent my time working on our beautifully preserved pony. aka "Frenchie" a dandy little guy and a joy to work with. Week two (as my group has divided into two groups and is alternating weeks between the two animals) is my lucky week to work with Large Marge. This is the week we are opening the thorasic cavity. For those unfamiliar this is the one containing the heart and lungs etc, not the one with the stomach bowels etc. (can't wait for that one let me tell ya... future blogging fun to be had there) Today I alone braved Marge's stank and dove my arms into her chest and removed her lung. This took over two hours and it weighed at least 20 pounds but I managed to keep all lobes in tack (not easy thank you very much).

Now revel with my in my crowning achievement. I did have many wonderful assistants in this task and could not have done it without them , thank you GROUP 5 ROCKS! There was really just only room for one person to really get in there and I went for it. So there I am shoulder deep in Marge covered in blood, latex, lung splooge, formalin, and a number of other body fluids and tissues ... time of my life (actually was pretty fun, the smell consumes you after about 20 minutes and you forget about it). I finally remove the lung we bag it and tag it and I start scrubbing down within an inch of my life. As you can imagine by this point I do smell a bit like Marge, and it's off to lunch after clean up. Here's where the big problem comes in and why me and Marge aren't on speaking terms. I'm allergic to Latex as some of you know, which is what goes into all the veins and arteries after the whole embalming thing. Well Marge had a section where the latex didn't set up solid which came leaking out of her and all down my arms. Very wonderful pink/red color it was beautiful you should have been there. So you see how this poses a problem. I didn't notice it till a couple hours later but I now have a very nasty rash all down the sides of my body to go with the irritated spots on my arm .... I am not happy .... it is painful.

So here I say Large Marge can shove this dissection up her fat cow ass because I'm not spending the rest of my semester covered in hives (sexy as it may sound). I just vote no. Frenchie, Welch is comin’ home!!

Like this but sooooo much worse, and hanging from the ceiling. Real photos to follow.

Normally they don't let me play with sharp objects this early in the morning.

For anyone who knows the full extent of much of a morning person I am. I tell you that it is 2:40, I'm ill, and I'm at work. nuff said.

I'm so lucid I almost stabbed myself with a needle from the slide stainer ... not on purpose of course, thanks for the confidence though.

The rest of you enjoy your sleep sleep sleepness, I'm going to finish my bizz bizz, bizznezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Overtime rocks my world

Hey kids, yes overtime is awesome. I have wonderfully managed to hit overtime hours in a mere two days. Sunday and Monday covered the first forty plus, and since I work until Wednesday, everything from here out is bank. Yes I know you are jealous. Perhaps I will be able to pay off that lovely credit card bill left from the x-mas fun with the money I make by working the holiday. It's one of those few good full circle kind of things I think. Woot!

Now picture me rolling in like leaves all nakedness and smiles. Ahhh ...

(frightning I know, you can stop now)

Now if it were only enough to do this kind of dive into ... I could handle that.

Quit your bitchin'; go make me a sandwich.

Yes friends I know, it's been many a moon since there has been a new blog post. So I guess I'll do a nice boring update with a jazzy compilation CD type twist:

WELCH'S JELLY KICKS OUT THE JAMS:

Track 1: I will survive. (The first semester of V-school if over. I am still alive. This is a good thing.)

Track 2: ABC 123. (My grades don't totally suck. No academic probation. This is also a good thing.)

Track 3: Roll out. (I spent an inkling of time in KC with the rents. I got all the x-mas spirit I need by doing all of my mom's x-mas shopping for her and not actually getting to see my family what-so-ever. This was a not so good thing.)

Track 4: Who let the dogs out. (Thursday I headed back home, reunited with my poopie and got to relax. I think we were both happy to be home. This was a very good thing.)

Track 5: 9 to 5. (I'm working over the holiday. 22nd-29th which is a not so good thing for me but it keeps me from ruining Christmas for anyone else so that's a good thing.)

Track 6: Party like it's 1999. (well 2006 anyway, I'll return to KC for the new years eve evening festivities to see my sister and finish out the x-mas fun that I missed. This will be a good thing if I can figure out something to do with my dog that evening .... any takers?)

Track 7: Goodnight sweetheart. ( my sister is moving to Korea for a year, maybe two. This sucks)

Track 8: Lunch lady land. (I'm hungry right now, this will be remedied when I get off work in an hour)

Track 9: Mr. Lonely. ( xchange that with Ms. I'm here in Como all alone. if anyone wants to visit while they have break time hit me up!!!)

Track 10: Wild thang. (I just like this song)

Break it down now oh oh oh oh oh yeah.

Expect more posts over this break when I have nothing to do but actually have something to write about. Enjoy your breaks for those who have them and for those who don't ... haha.

Happy Holidays chittlins!

Oh so creamy and sweet.

So it was a gloomy cold Saturday night,(delay on blog I know) and all the VM-1 in Mizzou land were in the lab studying their Histology ... boooooooooo wa ha ha ha *lightning flashes thunder crashes*. Scary isn't it. What's almost as scary is that we, (me and the AC) ditched studying for a while and ate dinner then went and ate Andy's. Oh yes we ate Andy's and it was good. So creamy and sweet we had to share it. Putting it into two seperate cups proved too difficult so we each got our own spoon to lap it down with. MMMM that white tasty goodness. I bet you want to eat Andy's too, I highly recommend it.

Just add spoon and eat. Yum.

So thirsty ... must have water ...

I'm still stuck in this barren wasteland that is renal physiology. I'm drying up, drowning in the sand dune of notes piled on my desk. Some one help me ... GET ME OUT OF HERE! How many hours has it been? I don't know anymore. The hallucinations have set in, pink elephants dancing in tutus. Whips of blackness moving in the corners of my eyes ... sleep ... yes sleep ... sleep and it will stop. ZZZZZZZZZ What?!?! What?!? did I go out for a moment, thank you Beetles for bringing me back to my objective. Whoosh that was a close one.

Watch as they all dance and sing, "We all live in a yellow submarine". La la la.