Normally they don't let me play with sharp objects this early in the morning.

For anyone who knows the full extent of much of a morning person I am. I tell you that it is 2:40, I'm ill, and I'm at work. nuff said.

I'm so lucid I almost stabbed myself with a needle from the slide stainer ... not on purpose of course, thanks for the confidence though.

The rest of you enjoy your sleep sleep sleepness, I'm going to finish my bizz bizz, bizznezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Overtime rocks my world

Hey kids, yes overtime is awesome. I have wonderfully managed to hit overtime hours in a mere two days. Sunday and Monday covered the first forty plus, and since I work until Wednesday, everything from here out is bank. Yes I know you are jealous. Perhaps I will be able to pay off that lovely credit card bill left from the x-mas fun with the money I make by working the holiday. It's one of those few good full circle kind of things I think. Woot!

Now picture me rolling in like leaves all nakedness and smiles. Ahhh ...

(frightning I know, you can stop now)

Now if it were only enough to do this kind of dive into ... I could handle that.

Quit your bitchin'; go make me a sandwich.

Yes friends I know, it's been many a moon since there has been a new blog post. So I guess I'll do a nice boring update with a jazzy compilation CD type twist:

WELCH'S JELLY KICKS OUT THE JAMS:

Track 1: I will survive. (The first semester of V-school if over. I am still alive. This is a good thing.)

Track 2: ABC 123. (My grades don't totally suck. No academic probation. This is also a good thing.)

Track 3: Roll out. (I spent an inkling of time in KC with the rents. I got all the x-mas spirit I need by doing all of my mom's x-mas shopping for her and not actually getting to see my family what-so-ever. This was a not so good thing.)

Track 4: Who let the dogs out. (Thursday I headed back home, reunited with my poopie and got to relax. I think we were both happy to be home. This was a very good thing.)

Track 5: 9 to 5. (I'm working over the holiday. 22nd-29th which is a not so good thing for me but it keeps me from ruining Christmas for anyone else so that's a good thing.)

Track 6: Party like it's 1999. (well 2006 anyway, I'll return to KC for the new years eve evening festivities to see my sister and finish out the x-mas fun that I missed. This will be a good thing if I can figure out something to do with my dog that evening .... any takers?)

Track 7: Goodnight sweetheart. ( my sister is moving to Korea for a year, maybe two. This sucks)

Track 8: Lunch lady land. (I'm hungry right now, this will be remedied when I get off work in an hour)

Track 9: Mr. Lonely. ( xchange that with Ms. I'm here in Como all alone. if anyone wants to visit while they have break time hit me up!!!)

Track 10: Wild thang. (I just like this song)

Break it down now oh oh oh oh oh yeah.

Expect more posts over this break when I have nothing to do but actually have something to write about. Enjoy your breaks for those who have them and for those who don't ... haha.

Happy Holidays chittlins!

Oh so creamy and sweet.

So it was a gloomy cold Saturday night,(delay on blog I know) and all the VM-1 in Mizzou land were in the lab studying their Histology ... boooooooooo wa ha ha ha *lightning flashes thunder crashes*. Scary isn't it. What's almost as scary is that we, (me and the AC) ditched studying for a while and ate dinner then went and ate Andy's. Oh yes we ate Andy's and it was good. So creamy and sweet we had to share it. Putting it into two seperate cups proved too difficult so we each got our own spoon to lap it down with. MMMM that white tasty goodness. I bet you want to eat Andy's too, I highly recommend it.

Just add spoon and eat. Yum.

So thirsty ... must have water ...

I'm still stuck in this barren wasteland that is renal physiology. I'm drying up, drowning in the sand dune of notes piled on my desk. Some one help me ... GET ME OUT OF HERE! How many hours has it been? I don't know anymore. The hallucinations have set in, pink elephants dancing in tutus. Whips of blackness moving in the corners of my eyes ... sleep ... yes sleep ... sleep and it will stop. ZZZZZZZZZ What?!?! What?!? did I go out for a moment, thank you Beetles for bringing me back to my objective. Whoosh that was a close one.

Watch as they all dance and sing, "We all live in a yellow submarine". La la la.

Where's the love?

Hello?,.....Hello...... Anyone........, Anyone?

1 Comment in the last four posts? Am I losing my touch? I just have to say I'm not feeling the love kids. No love for grape juice. What is the world coming to when people don't like grape juice? Oh what a cruel cruel world.

Actually I'm procrastinating like hell right now. Phis test tomarrow and .... blah. Though once it's over I'm looking forward to good food and hanging with the girls. And then there will be weekend hanging with boy. Should be fun and filled with adult beverages. Now ... where's the love for physiology? Yeah it's not getting any love either ... I mean who wants to take a test over 100 pages of notes on what the kidneys do? umm ... Not me. Well whoever does start driving to CoMo the test starts at 7:30am, be my guest, enjoy.

Since you can't read the captions:

Jim (Left): Hey Jerry, I think I've lost that lovin feelin.

Jerry (Right): Hey, watch were you put that cortex man. I'm not that kind of organ.

Just keep your arteries and veins to yourself Jim; I'm warning you.

Umm Uhh Yeah

So I have decided to pursue a masters in statistics while completing my professional degree. This is my decided topic for my disertation, no private funding necessary. Preliminary results are as follows.

*Names have been change to uh umm umm uh protect the uhh vocally umm deficient.

The prevalence of Non-words in accordance with time and frequency in Dr. Mummbles Lectures with further correlates between subject matter changes and also laboratory vs lecture behavior variances of vocal deficiencies.

For a total of 40 tabulated minutes of class we have:

a total of 287 "umm"s or "uhh"s (henceforth referred to as "non-words") verbalized.*
an average of ~72 "non-words" for every 10 minutes of class
an average of ~36 for every 5 minutes of class
an average of ~7 for every minute of class
leaving us with a slightly increased prevalence of one every 10 seconds.


*(This study does not include the prevalence of the misuse of the word 'and' [including those uttered between umms and uhhs] or any stuttering of actual words.)

This is only preliminary research. Further study correlations to follow between the prevalence of non-words in lecture vs. lab and changes between lecture subjects.

Thank you and have a good ... umm ... uhh ... day.

"Blue Balls are Hard to Come By" and be weary of the white sauce.

The Halloween Weekend conclusion:

As a continuation of my previous post I decided to entitle this blog with a quote given in response to the previous blog entry; "Blue balls are hard to come by", indeed; though, in this persons case 20ft ladders aren't. For future reference if you should happen to find a 20ft ladder at 1am while walking home from a bar, think twice before burgling it. You never know who might be watching or who might trip over it as it lays sprawled across the living room floor. Lesson here learned.

Another lesson for the evening: Be weary of the white sauce. Now as I attended a fine and reasonably priced Italian restaurant for dinner I initiated by scoping out the menu. A wonderful selection entitled Chicken Crepes Florentine, caught my attention. A scrumptious description entailed the now infamous "white sauce". Now, I wasn't so presumptuous as to assume this was Alfredo, but I was imagining a white cream sauce of sorts. This is (as foresight must have already hinted at) not what I received. In the opinion of three taste testers it was determined that the sauce contained whipped eggwhites and possibly a little bit of sourcream and it had the consistency of something between meringue and gravy. Now, anyone who knows of my obsessive compulsive disorder when in comes to food or was present for the great corn incident of '05 understands that even after scraping all of the 'white sauce' off of what would have been a perfectly delightful set of crepes why I had completely lost my appetite and how it was taking every ounce of my being not to hyperventilate. Needless to say I ended up paying $17 for a cup of minestrone soup and the complementary bread. 2nd lesson: Don't eat the white sause until you know what's in it/always ask.

Though my evening was off to a rough start the pub crawl was good times and ultimately my night made up for the bad food and then some. Thank you to those responsible for a most fulfilling evening. So that's my Halloween... tonight ... Agenda: Hide from trick-or-treaters. Since I have no treats to give I've decided not to put the effort into turning tricks all night long. Me and B are going to rent movies, drink wine, and hope my pager doesn't go off.

Later chitlins!

On the left we have "The Cushion for the Pushin".

And for added inappropriateness the back declairs "Stick It In Me".

Big Blue Balls Aren't In High Demand.

So it's Halloween and with Halloween come Halloween costumes. After careful consideration I have decided to become a pin cusion (photos to follow in subsiquent posting). Now I know this is a popular costume choice and readily available in your corner costume shop. Yeah, umm, no; anyway, so I procede to Hobby Lobby to supply myself with the necessary items for my pin cusion transformation. 1) one red t-shirt 2)some iron-on lettering
3)red felt
4) green felt
5) sparkly silver pipeclears
and the most important
6)fuzzy balls

Now as a pin cusion I want to be chromatically balanced. I have red. I have green. So I pick yellow balls, white balls, and really wanted blue balls to round out my color palate. But what is this? Tiny blue balls. Small blue balls. Medium blue balls ..... NO BIG BLUE BALLS! Now this wouldn't be a huge deal but with a balance of color I also want a realistic scale. For the thickness that is a pipecleaner one requires big balls for proper scale. You now see my cunundrum. Now I searched ... perhaps they are simiply out of big blue balls ... but no, there is no empty hook to put any big blue balls on ... tragic I tell you tragic ... It seems . *sigh* the is no demand for big blue balls. But I want them, I need them; my Halloween costume should not suffer for lack of balls? Where is the manager of this joint!?! I need some balls over here!! But no, no blue balls for Ashley ... I'll just have to settle for green since the pink seemed so out of place.

Oh how I long for the blue balls; where are you my fuzzy friends?

2 Crura + Bulb = Root

Ahh science. Science and math, math and science. All the wonderful things one can learn in school. And how different subjects seem to intertwine to create such great correlations. The best thing I learned in anatomy the other day is 2crura plus 1 bulb equals root. MARVELOUS I SAY JUST MARVELOUS! Who would have thought that after only 4 days occupying a mear ~11 hours of my time dedicated entirely to the male genetalia I would have learned such a wonderful equation. So wonderful that I felt I needed to share it with the world. Crura + Bulb = root .... GENIUS!!! The two internal muscular crura plus the bulb of the penis composes the root of the penis. Enjoy and feel enlightened friends, enjoy indeed.

I'll let you figure this out for yourself; just don't lose your head trying.

Judge #2 John Dough; you have a video camera and no one's accusin' you of anything.

Welcome to Bearfield Meadows!!

A polite community of young couples, retiries, a few college students, and home to the witness protection and relocation servieces!

Yes kids, I have decifered the truth, my neighborhood is a relocation site for the witness protection program. To explain:

1) There are vacant houses in my neiborhood at all times. None of which has been for sale .... ever.
2) People move into and out of these houses at lightning speed. Yes moving into these houses that are never for sale, and out of them where they are not put up for sale or rent and remain vacant.
3) All these super speedy moves occur in the middle of the fucking night. We're talking pitch black darkness here. 10pm? sure Midnight? of course.

So of the three houses next to me there seems to be a rotation of in and out. When I moved in the one next door picked up and left in the middle of the night; and as you would guess it hasn't gone up for sale. Then last week a man moved in across the street into a house that hadn't been for sale or had any kind of sign in the yard for at least the last 3 months and likely the last 6 since it wasn't for sale when I was looking at houses. I'm patiently waiting for the house behind me to be filled with the next John or Jane Doe and family. Man is this exciting

What they're really thinking.

Now, though I should be studying for my anatomy test. I decided to take a few moments to show you what's really going on their heads. Enjoy.

AAW DVM @ CVM UMC hanging @ da BK lounge.

Oh acronyms, how misleading you can be. And who comes up with your meanings anyway? The lazy crack-heads of society that can't just say what they mean but make it all cool and abbreviated. Well I've decided that I have the power to remake all acronyms as I see fit. If you give me an acronym I will make it mean what ever I feel is appropriate. WWJD?

Wild Women Jumping Donkeys?
Wolves Wearing Jackets of Denim?

Who knows, the possibilities are endless. Limited only by my imagination and the imaginations of my many personalities. Where would we be without our acronyms? Life would have less madness! Information would be clear! Mass Chaos would cease!

So now I

AAW (The Awesome Abash Wallaby)
DVM (Doctor of Volcano Mating)
@
CVM (The College of Viral Monkeys)
UMC (University of Money Capturing)

take it upon myself to thank all those organizations out there that utilize acronyms to their fullest potential by applying them as names. What do your names mean oh companies of service? Who knows, but here's what I think:

FDIC? Funding Drunken Idiot Credit
UPS? Urgent Postal Sabotage
FDA? Flatulence Debilitation Association (cause let's face it every new drug approved seems to have a fine print on your bowel movements)

Oh how I could go on ... but I'll just close with my new favorite acronym given to me by my friend of science, Megan ... V-school. What is this V-school? Good question. I'm in it, so I know; but to all of you in the dark let me give you some fantastic light. Could it be a school for the preservation and maintenance of all psychological, anatomical, and physiological parameters in which designate the big V? (Oh yes I did, I threw you another acronym, but this is a free-be my friends the big V is defined by an innate lack of sexual activity, the kind approved by the state of Missouri as legal, in ones lifetime to the present) ... or am I in fact studying volcanoes as I would lead you to believe in earlier statements; or voluntarism, or perhaps Ventriloquism? No, it is none of these things as you might have guessed though the later is quite foreshaddowing for my hand ... neh more my arm will spend a considerable amount of time up the back end of .... Well .... not a puppet anyway.

So I leave you friends for the evening with this to ponder. Farewell. "C U L8R."

Howdy Doody? I don't know but I'm sure the FDA was responsible.

Anytime, Anyplace, Chiggers.

Ahh, nature. So beautiful, so serene, so full of bugs that will sneak up on you and eat you alive. Ok, so here's the deal. I had been roaming through wooded areas for unspecified reasons of necessity when it cam to my attention some days later that I had some really nasty stuff appearing my legs. I thought to myself, "Self, that stuff on your legs looks awful disturbing". "Yes self, it does". Big eww. Blistery and oozie, inflamed and itchy; my instincts said poison ivy ... wait no, too localized ... perhaps poison oak or sumac, ... perhaps.

So I show my Doc:
Me: "This concerns me."
Her: "Eww, that's gross."
Me: "Yes, it is. What do you think."
Her: "Well, skin's not my thing but here's an Rx for a corticosteroid cream, try that."
Me: "Cool, thanks."

So things don't get better and I decided to see a person who "skin is their thing". Dermatologist ahoy. So with some begging and pleading over a week, in which time this stuff has spread considerably, but let's not panic; I get an appointment, go to the office ~30mins early to fill out all my fun new patient paper work, then don't even get in to an exam room till another hour after when my appointment was for. If this were a restaurant my dinner would have been free and they would have offered me desert. Bastards, you get an F for service my dermatologically knowledgeable friend. Anyway after another 30 minutes in the exam room with my pants off (kind of necessary to see ones legs), and frickin' freezing.

Now just so we know after a 10-15 minute time when left in a room by myself, not to mention I've already been hanging out at this place for the last hour and a half prior and have read every magazine in the joint; I feel I have the right to explore. No, I did not start wandering the office with no pants on but I did start looking at all the files on the counter, (I figure it wasn't put away so it's fair game for investigation), prescription forms, brochures, all that sort of stuff, interesting reads; better than the posters on the wall which all three posters were the exact same thing. I guess they really wanted to get the fine points of sun damage prevention across. Just so you know is slip, slop, slap. Slip on a shirt, slop on sunscreen (at least SPF 15), and slap your ass so hard you cry like a baby ... oh wait no, slap on a hat, preferably one with a large shady brim. But, I digress.

So, I finally get to see the skexpert. (that's a skin-expert for those not friendly with made-up words) and she takes a peep at it all and we have a whopping 3 minutes conversation. ... Diagnosis, chiggerbites!

Ok, she's a doctor and I"m going to try to believe her, but chiggers? m-fing chiggers? that's it? all this about chigger bites? you're kidding right? Oh no, I have to play 20 questions on this one cause these are like no chigger bites I've ever seen. So she gives me some new stuff to put on them, will it work? who knows. 20 more questions, how often, for how many days, if it doesn't work what do I do, after how long, if it gets worse? Man it's a good thing I forced the questions out since half of them were answered as she was half way through the exam room door of her next patient. Man, and she came so highly recommended. I guess I"m selfish of her time, but hey I've sat around for 2 hours waiting to see her and pay her $20 bucks to tell me I have chigger bites the least she could do is talk to me for a whole 5 minutes, right? Well, whatever, that's the end to this tremendously long and detailed story. Later kids and watch out for chiggers!!

I think this guy has chiggers too ... I feel his pain.

WHERE'S MY BLOOD BITCHES?!?

I lift my glass and CHEERS! To all those out there who read things and take them the wrong way, go behind your back and bitch to people about it, and don't understand that a blog is there for the purpose of writting whatever the hell you want.

So I lift my glass to you oh one who makes me regret I sent this to you in the first place. Thanks.

And now I must go play with more blood. :0) woot! I LOVE MY JOB AND ENJOY WORKING WITH THE PEOPLE AROUND ME AT WORK! (just in case anyone was confused and didn't know that) peace out chitlins.

Let's switch it up this time; make it pepper-jack cheese

Ahh, the life of a student. So in my umpteenth year of school I've decided to peruse a professional career. woot. With all the fun and excitement that comes with over 100,000 worth of debt, I also get to take tests and quizzes almost every day! (you're jealous I know you are). Anyway, it's Friday now and I am finally out of the thick. Third test for the week is over and hell I didn't even flunk any of them. I'm so glad I have the weekend to chill. Oh wait no I have to work. Being on-call is my favorite, oh yeah, looking forward to the phone calls at 3am that have nothing to do with booty.

And so starts my Friday; my test is over; and just a few more classes before I can take a nap, cause holy crap I'm tired and I'm sure to be up all night with my "booty calls" from the hospital. So welcome to my blog everyone, I only hope to have all the procrastinating time in the world to keep it up. It's now time to catch up on breakfast eating. I'm thinking about one of those awesome biscuit sandwiches, and let's switch it up this time; make it pepper-jack cheese.