PICTURES AS PROMISED!

I know you all have been patiently waiting to meet Marge. Though I do have to say this was not her most photogenic day. Though I'm sure you understand as she's missing a few body parts. I don't think anyone looks their best after that kind of action. Anyway I wish I could also share the smell with you but allas you'll just have to imagine her sweet stench all your own. Think ... vommit and curddled milk. That ought to get you started.

This is my good friend Angela and the most savery part of her groups longhorn stear. Mmmmm tasty.

News Flash! There's a 5 minute rule on the potty.

Beware the after hours restroom usage! If you should take more than 3 minutes in the stall then the motion sensor will have no excuse to believe you are still there. You will receive a jingle like beeping warning. 2nd warning come at 4 minutes. What happens at 5 minutes? You are officially not in the room and the room with shut down around you. The black darkness of your windowless receptacle will consume you and it will begin to eat your soul.

See Megan, My reality is even more fucked-up than your dreams. Carousel in the middle of a corn field, fuck that. Try a Bathroom with a mind of it's own that traps you in darkness and you have to stumble through it's gated labyrinths and back to the lighted hallway before the possessed lavatory consumes you. Now that's some scary shit.

Will demon spawn emerge from the darkness, capture me and drag me back through

a portal to their evil water-closet demention? ... Maybe.

Picture updates!

So I aquired a digital camera, and now I've finally figured out how to post pictures, (I think). Let me know if they come through. Enjoy!

New Years Pics : Hopefully this will link you to the rest!

THE EXOTICS SYMPOSIUM!

The good times had in Knoxville TN, The Snow and rain on the way down (our luggage in the back of a truck, awesome), blow darts, guns, behind the scenes zoo trip, and all the drunken po-dunk fun you could ask for!

Can you believe they gave me a gun? NO QUESTIONS ASKED!

Jesus, Mary and Joseph, SHE'S PREGNANT!!

Yes, ladies and gents. Marge of the Large is Prego. Our fine Omish lady of the forementioned blogging is/was with calf (however you want to look at that). Ahh I can't wait till next week when I get to preform what is my first and probubly my only necropcic c-section. This is not the birth of life from life, or life from death, but the beauty and joy of death from death. Ahh what a beautiful optomistic picture this brings. I can only imagine that fateful day when they brought Marge into the lab barely able to walk on her own; Bobby jumping on her chest trying to get her warm dead heart that had given up so easily, to pump enough formalin through her lifeless old body to keep it from rotting. Little did he know he was also preserving a fine calf fetus for us to rip from her body only a few short months later. Ahh the sweet splender of surprise.

Our horse Frenchie was also blessed with life thriving inside him as we found out the other day. Though being male he was not with the pleasure of pony but did have a fine infestation of worms that Katie and I roughtfully picked out of his diaphram and facial layers of his abdominal cavity. You know they migrated there because the diaphram is the only muscle that is moving constantly and thus provides a fantastic and rich blood supply to thrive on. The best was when you're rip into their puss pockets and the worm would POP out of it's wormy home and say "Hey what's up I'm a worm". Gives me goosebumps of joy in all this remonicing. I know you wish you were there as always.

I think an RIP is in order

So I took my computer to university hospital (aka IT services) and I think they are actually managing to recover my very septic computer from it's failing health. To add the irony that must come with anything I try to do. My screen is now failing. It is flickering in and out of conciousness and all hopes look lost. So I should be able to harvest all my info from the hard drive before it crashes for good and donate it to a new computer which would be fine if there were a computer to transplant the information to. So sad and tragic, I do not have the money to save my current computer which would cost more than it would be to just buy a new computer.

So I guess it comes down to this. Do I euthanize my current notebook of fun and wait till I can afford to buy myself a newer cuter more lively notebook or do I hook it up to a lifesupport monitor and hope for the best? I know it's been a fun four years computer, but I think it's just your time, it's just your time, and I'd hate for you to have to suffer through this. And worse, I'd hate for me to have to suffer through this even more.

So, so long black box of fun. It's been real.

Best I could do in 10 minutes, rough but I think the realism is breathtaking..

Death by???

I'm taking a poll.

I caught a single scene of one of the Jaws movies this weekend (I know as much as it was not the first) and in that scene there was some death, big surprise. Picture it, two ladies, two very different deaths ...

What I would like to know is this which would you choose if you had to?

Option 1) Death by giant great white shark grabbing you by your ski and eating you alive.
Option 2) Flail around your boat histarically causing you to dump gasoline all over yourself, lighting yourself on fire, and ultimately blowing you and your boat to smitherines.

Ponder that will you .... and let me know.

P.S. I think I'd go with Option 2 for it's more instantanious effects, if that helps you make your decision, if not then tough shit.

Option one : Lunch

Option 2: Chunks

Tell 'em Large Marge Sent Ya?!?

Well Large Marge can shove it up her scanky cow ass!!!

To update:

Large Marge is the name of my cow. My hugest rotted out dairy cow you've ever seen, cow. I'm sure to have pictures to follow, for now you just have to use your imagination. We all know what a dairy cow looks like, you know big, black spots, utter. Take that shove some hooks in it and hang it from the ceiling and you have a good picture of what my bovine looks like. Of course she also has a plastic bag wrapped around her head and an extra strap around her midsection for support.

Now to fill in a key key point Marge or Large-Large (as she is called in the world of gangsta rap) was dead before the preservation process began. I know its a terrible thing to imagine but yes, conventionally out specimens are embalmed alive ... blood pumped out by the heart, formalin pumped into the body by a still beating heart. This sounds bad, but what's worse is the smell of day old vommit/rot/curddled milk, coming from this cow. Without the for mentioned process (of which Marge lacked being already dead and all) what you end up with is a poorly perfused animal which leads to a poorly preserved animal, which hangs around in a not cold enough to stop the bacteria freezer for many moons, which leads to the stickiest rotted out shit you've ever smelt in your life.

Now I know you are wondering how was I so lucky to end up with this fine specimen? Oh pure luck as it my be. You're jealous I can tell. Thank you randomized computer program, thank you. Now for our first week of class I spent my time working on our beautifully preserved pony. aka "Frenchie" a dandy little guy and a joy to work with. Week two (as my group has divided into two groups and is alternating weeks between the two animals) is my lucky week to work with Large Marge. This is the week we are opening the thorasic cavity. For those unfamiliar this is the one containing the heart and lungs etc, not the one with the stomach bowels etc. (can't wait for that one let me tell ya... future blogging fun to be had there) Today I alone braved Marge's stank and dove my arms into her chest and removed her lung. This took over two hours and it weighed at least 20 pounds but I managed to keep all lobes in tack (not easy thank you very much).

Now revel with my in my crowning achievement. I did have many wonderful assistants in this task and could not have done it without them , thank you GROUP 5 ROCKS! There was really just only room for one person to really get in there and I went for it. So there I am shoulder deep in Marge covered in blood, latex, lung splooge, formalin, and a number of other body fluids and tissues ... time of my life (actually was pretty fun, the smell consumes you after about 20 minutes and you forget about it). I finally remove the lung we bag it and tag it and I start scrubbing down within an inch of my life. As you can imagine by this point I do smell a bit like Marge, and it's off to lunch after clean up. Here's where the big problem comes in and why me and Marge aren't on speaking terms. I'm allergic to Latex as some of you know, which is what goes into all the veins and arteries after the whole embalming thing. Well Marge had a section where the latex didn't set up solid which came leaking out of her and all down my arms. Very wonderful pink/red color it was beautiful you should have been there. So you see how this poses a problem. I didn't notice it till a couple hours later but I now have a very nasty rash all down the sides of my body to go with the irritated spots on my arm .... I am not happy .... it is painful.

So here I say Large Marge can shove this dissection up her fat cow ass because I'm not spending the rest of my semester covered in hives (sexy as it may sound). I just vote no. Frenchie, Welch is comin’ home!!

Like this but sooooo much worse, and hanging from the ceiling. Real photos to follow.