Beware the Full Metal Jacket!

So the time has come for many of us to go to town on our mouths. M's got her fun surgeries and I due to the loss of a bet, (no not the Superbowl though I am very sad for my Seahawks), I'm in the market for metallic oral enhancements.

So far all the DDS's that I've come across want to do horrific things to me.

#1) One's out for blood (literally and figuratively). $5000 smackers (the figurative blood, ouch, I'm a med student you think I have that kind of money? yeah right, I can't even buy food this month, though I guess that would be good for the braces and possibly my thighs; but I digress.), 18 months and let's remove 4 of my teeth just for giggles (the literal blood, as if you couldn't figure that out for yourself, ouch again). Oh wait I’m sorry, there is a reason for that not just to pump up our oral surgeon buddy and get a kick back; "I would have a more pleasing profile". So not an oral hygiene reason but hey, i guess it's a reason.

#2) we're better here on the greenbacks, cut it back by $1,100; better but still not good, we're now up to a two year sentence in mouth prison but then we don't want to remove my teeth, oh wait, even better we're going to file down all the nice healthy enamel off them, right in between my teeth so that when I'm trying to do Chinese acrobats with floss just so that I don't immediately get the cavities that would be inevitable with this procedure. Though this would make some dentist really happy, I vote no.

So here I am, continuing to shop around till I at least find someone who would like to leave all of my teeth intact, in my mouth. Some how I don’t' think that's too much to ask. I mean, they all fit in there before all pretty and perfect, surely they still will. So I've decided to take my journey back to KC and see if I can find anything more promising there.

There was a kind man there once that told me 6mo, $1250, and said nothing about removing any teeth or parts there of. I just hope he has similar music for my ears on Friday. Sure, he wanted to put metal spikes in my mouth but hey they served an actually practical orthodontic purpose and I'd take the spikes any day over random teeth extractions. My tongue would hate me but the teeth thank me. It's ok my pearls of white, you're safe with me I'll never let those mean men take you away from your loving gums.

interesting theory ... more like ....

Crazy metal brackets of doom! Adults beware, public humiliation is imminent!
(I knew I wanted to look 13 again, pedophiles are great lovers, so tender and attentive. *shutter*)